{"id":30,"date":"2005-03-19T11:26:56","date_gmt":"2005-03-19T11:26:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ladle\/wordpress\/?p=30"},"modified":"2005-03-19T11:26:56","modified_gmt":"2005-03-19T11:26:56","slug":"fears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/?p=30","title":{"rendered":"Fears"},"content":{"rendered":"


\nWhy am I so ill now?
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

\nBecause I am suffering from a somatic disorder where I perpetuate my own beliefs about illness
\nBecause I took 10 years’ of antibiotics when I was young
\nBecause I am depressed
\nBecause I have anxiety disorder
\nBecause I internalised my parents fighting, manufacturing illness
\nBecause I have an poorly-understood organic disease called CFS\/M.E.
\nBecause I am on too many drugs for anxiety and sleeplessness
\nBecause God is punishing me
\nBecause I am having codeine withdrawal
\nBecause the universe likes to experiment on people
\nBecause the medical diet I am on is making me iller
\nBecause I am perpetuating my own anxiety as illness myth
\nBecause I am suffering from chronic lack of stage four sleep
\nBecause I have subconscious reasons to gain from remaining ill
\nBecause I was bitten by a tick and have unrecognised Lyme disease
\nBecause I grew up transgendered, and my unhappiness results in physical symptoms
\nBecause I am self-pitying
\nBecause I have an undetected illness such as MS
\nBecause I am chronically lonely through lack of social interaction
\nBecause my anxiety about my hearing loss has driven me to self-isolation
\nBecause I am a weak person
\nBecause I have hidden mercury poisoning
\nBecause some people are not built to survive, and current society prolongs their existence artificially
\nBecause I have a brain tumour
\nBecause I lack courage
\nBecause I am a bad person, and am being paid back for it
\nBecause I have chronic candida which is affecting my whole immune system
\nBecause I have no courage to lift myself out of this state
\nBecause I have hidden severe allergies
\nBecause my unhappy childhood set my brain and body on a course of self-hurt
\nBecause I have an as-yet misunderstood immune system dysfunction
\nBecause I am a scientific experiment in a simulated world
\nBecause some things are supposed to be
\nBecause I won’t get out of bed, rather than can’t
\nBecause my mother passed on a polio-type illness she contracted to me via the womb
\nBecause there are no reasons, and the universe is unkind and unknowing
\nBecause I sleep outside my natural circadian rhythm of daylight and nighttime
\nBecause I deserve it
\nBecause I ask questions like this, while so many are so much iller, more unhappy, more anxious\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n\"darkness\"\n<\/div><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why am I so ill now? Because I am suffering from a somatic disorder where I perpetuate my own beliefs about illness Because I took 10 years’ of antibiotics when I was young Because I am depressed Because I have anxiety disorder Because I internalised my parents fighting, manufacturing illness Because I have an poorly-understood … Continue reading Fears<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-illness"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fumblings.com\/weblog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}